The Freegan Roommates

A parable for these abhorrent times

Seventeen years ago, I had the good fortune to live in Oahu, Hawai‘i. About a year into my time there, I went to see a 5-bedroom rental on a whim. The place was airy and spacious, with a fresh coat of paint and palm frond light fixtures. It wasn’t perfect, but it was less than a block from the beach.

Windward Oahu, 2008

I called my current roommates. They were on board, sight unseen. The only catch was that we needed a few more bodies to afford the rent.

Enter some mutual friends seeking inexpensive digs. There were three individuals who became lifelong pals, and a married couple, we’ll call them Grace and Gordon¹, who did not.

Grace and Gordon were, how shall I phrase this, wholly unreasonable human monsters. They scavenged for food in dumpsters, which was fine, and borrowed our shit without asking, which was not. They asked if strangers could live in tents in our yard and share our bathrooms², and when we said no, questioned our moral integrity.

In retrospect, this should have been a red flag

They asked me to pitch in for groceries for a community meal, except I was never home at the appointed time and never ate their food, so I said no - which triggered an email reproaching my ‘individualistic’ lifestyle and perceived dietary choices³.

Occasionally we’d have a seemingly normal interaction, only to receive an email hours later lamenting our ‘hostile’ behavior and requesting an apology for our harmful actions. There were disputes, tense house meetings, and endless e-mail chains. At one point, we called in a mediator. We were living with clenched teeth in our own house, afraid to go out in common areas and cause further destruction.

It took us months to realize, but trying to reason or simply get along with Grace and Gordon was a zero-sum game. Instead of calmly discussing disputes or conflict, they attacked us, our choices, our identities. Arguing with them was impossible - they just dragged us down with them⁴.

Gradually, every other roommate moved out⁵ of the beach house because Grace and Gordon were so hard to live with - well, every other roommate except one.

J, one my original roommates and still a dear friend, stayed. She continued to share bills and meals with Grace and Gordon, even as their passive aggression hit astronomic levels and their fighting reached a fever pitch.

I recently asked J how she did it, and her answer was this: Whatever was going on with Grace and Gordon was about them, not about her. She put a TV in her room to decompress away from Grace and Gordon’s doom spiral. She never felt like she had to leave, because what was going on wasn’t relevant to her.

J also kept her responses neutral⁶. Here’s an example of a typical interaction:

Gordon: Well, I guess I’ll have to walk to the store and carry my heavy groceries since no one is willing to lend me a car…

J: Okay, see you when you get back!

And then -

THE MONSTERS MOVED OUT. Grace and Gordon left, too! Several of the original crew moved back into our beach house, and there was a legitimately happy ending. We reaped the benefits of the community we had built and J had sustained.

My instinct seventeen years ago was to get the hell out when things got hard. But leaving isn’t always as easy as finding a subletter for a cheap room by the ocean⁷.

We are living in a timeline where the Graces and Gordons of the world are in power, but it’s not always going to be like this. It’s terrifying, it’s overwhelming, and it’s going to get a lot worse before it gets better.

Note: If you’re in a group that’s under attack, I’m so sorry, I’m here for you, and you should do whatever you need to do for yourself and your family. I don’t presume to tell you what to do.

My message is directed at people who have relative privilege and a smidge of energy: we need to find a way to stay in the house.

Find one cause that’s important to you and find a way to plug in, sustainably. Things like recurring donations, a periodic meeting, reading emails and sharing with a few friends, etc. Add that to voting in every single election (including those less flashy local ones) and using your voice in the circles you have influence in. Call those representatives and keep calling. Everyone reading this has a platform, whether it’s 100 followers on Instagram or a group thread with your three besties.

I’ve found tremendous inspiration in the NAACP Legal Defense Fund’s message: We were built for this. The ACLU has a fantastic tool where you can say your bandwidth and find actions that meet you where you’re at. My friend Vesna (check out her work at Immigrant Strong) recently shared the Writing Co-Lab’s 100 Days of Creative Resistance. I hope you can also find a way to stay peaceful and make your art, because we need you.

I also remain vigilant and thoughtful about my media consumption, especially notifications, social media, breaking news alerts, etc. This is constant nervous system overwhelm, and that’s part of the strategy. Don’t get mad, organize. Focus on the policies and the impact, not on the wild declarations and dizzying rhetoric.

Above all else, what I’m trying to say is: the next time you encounter married⁸ pacifist freegans looking for a bunch of roommates, RUN IN THE OTHER DIRECTION.

All jokes aside…

We didn’t build (or even choose) this beach house, but we can try to make it better, with fresh curtains and new furniture. While we may not be responsible for the flooding in the basement, the cracked patio cement, or the broken dryer, we’re living in the house, and it’s all of our responsibility to try to leave it better for the next inhabitants.

---

Small Business Love

Kelzuki - the work of Minnesota artist Kelsey Oseid - beautiful art prints and books, available online.

Art Print: Cephalopoda by Kelsey Oseid

Tare Market (Minneapolis) - purchase zero waste home goods while supporting a local business

Zoe’s Hot Chocolate - my sister Julie Moretti got this for me as a gift, and I am in love with this rich, chocolatey mix - a delicious treat for a cold day.

---

Book Recs

Make Your Art No Matter What - One of my favorite local artists, the delightful Ashytn Sibinski, recommended this book when I met her at the Northrup King Building. I feel very seen by this book and it’s also very accessible, with clean design and manageable chapters. If you’re someone who never finished The Artist’s Way, this might appeal to you.

Run Towards The Danger by Sarah Polley - I tore through this book of six essays and highly recommend. Polley, a writer-director, was a child actress who starred in the Road to Avonlea series (among many others). Polley’s experience losing her mother as a kid and navigating a career as a working actress is often painful to read, but beautifully recounted and explored.

They’re Going to Love You by Meg Howery - Told over the course of several decades, a middle-aged ballerina turned choreographer returns to visit her dying father and his husband after decades of estrangement.

Films I Love

Grandma Nai Who Played Favorites - I screened 20+ short films at home during the Sundance Film Festival and this bright, vibrant 19-minute piece by Chheangkea was my absolute favorite. It follows Nai, who decides to intervene from beyond the grave when she learns her queer grandson is about to get engaged to a woman.

Still from Grandma Nai Who Played Favorites by Chheangkea

Goodrich - written & directed by Halle Meyers Shyer. Michael Keaton, Mila Kunis, Michael Urie, and others are delightful in this beautiful dramedy that made me laugh and sob. Highly recommend! I’m doing a 52 films directed by women & non-binary filmmakers (inspired by Maddie of Pop Culture Personality) and this was one of my picks. Accepting recommendations!

Writing Updates

Creative Goals for 2025: While I can’t control whether someone will buy my book or produce one of my scripts, I can control what I write and put out into the world. I have a recurring goal to amass 100 rejections a year, something I’ve never hit. Here are my other goals:

• Complete & revise three screenplays/teleplays (1 feature-length, 1 pilot script, 1 short)

• Write and shoot a short film

• Finish six short pieces, any genre

I want to support YOUR creative endeavors, so if you think of it, please drop me a line either here or via email (elyse DOT moretti AT gmail.com) on how I can support you. For example: sending a periodic text to see how you’re doing with a project, hopping online for a virtual submission party, body doubling at a coffee shop, going on a hike to get our creative juices flowing. Happy creating, and thanks for reading!

1. Names have been changed for privacy. These are the details as I remember them, but as always, time has a way of distorting memories. I’m sure my roommates may recall these events differently.

2. Again, this was a rental property and there was no way we could say yes to this, even if we’d wanted to.

3. SIGH.

4. I was in my early 20s, and I was not perfectly behaved, either.

5. I moved to another beach house where a certain mid-aughts TV star was a neighbor and my 8+ roommates eventually got evicted, but that’s a story for another day. Text for details!

6. J also introduced me to the concept of grey rocking

7. Am I really comparing America to a beach house in Hawai‘i? Not really, but there are some parallels - Lots of promise and idealism, lots of not great realities, an environment that’s far easier for some people to thrive in than others It’s nowhere near perfect, but it’s what we’ve got.

8. It probably comes as no surprise but Grace and Gordon divorced soon after they left the beach house.